Dear Gran,

Thank you very much for all the card-making stuff you gave me. I used it to make a cardboard ornament for my friend Stephanie the other day, for a Christmas tree in memory of her husband who recently died, and I thought of you so much while I was doing it. Jo and I split up the rest of your card-making supplies between us after you died. I'm sure you would have wanted it that way. Thank you for sharing your hobbies with me, and for all the pretty cards you sent me. I think some part of me doesn't really believe you're gone, as I still somehow expect to find a birthday card or Christmas card from you in my mailbox each year. I'm really grateful that you valued communicating so much, especially writing. Perhaps I got my love of writing from you. It's too bad I didn't use it to write you more letters while you were alive. I'm really sorry about that.

Another thing I loved about you is the way that you always treated people well, even the ones (like Mother) whom you didn't like. You were always doing something nice for someone, and helping people. I still remember what you wrote in my autograph book years and years ago - that you hoped I would be kind and loving to everyone I meet. I think you knew what I have only just really begun to understand - that the most important and worthwhile thing we can do in life is try to make other people's lives better. I am trying to do that now, instead of always worrying about what other people think of me. I want to be just like you, Gran. I miss you so much.

With love,
Your No.1 Granddaughter
Julia

Dear Gran,

I really miss you, and I love you so much. I've been thinking of you as the anniversary of your death approaches, and today I read over my blog entries from the time of your death. They made me cry, but I want to thank you for asking Keith to phone me when you realized you were on the brink of death. It made me so happy to know I was important enough that you wanted to talk to ME, as well as Roger, before you died. I'm so glad I got one last chance to tell you that I love you, and to hear you say that you love me. So many people don't get that chance with people they love.

I'm glad I was able to be the daughter you never had. You really were my real mother, too , you know. It's no wonder I miss you so much. Thank you very much for all the letters you sent me over the years... every now and then, I come across another one, and it's almost like getting a new one from you! They are everywhere! I once asked you to write me a letter and give it to Lorna for her to give me after you died. I don't think you ever did that, and I had been wishing that you did, but now I realize I didn't need one, because I have so many of the other letters you sent me in my lifetime. That's the one good thing about my having lived so far away from you for most of my life. I missed out on so many experiences we could have had together if we lived close by, and I'm so sad about that... but now that you're gone, I have so much more of you left to remember you by, than if I'd lived near you and you'd not needed to write me letters. I guess I would have had more memories, instead of letters... but that's just the way it was, and I am making the most of what I had; that's just what you would have done.

I have to go now. I hope you are peaceful and happy, wherever you are. I love you, Granny Gru!

love, Julia
xxxxxxxxxxxxx (in the shape of a heart)

Dear Gran,

I wish you'd had a colonoscopy done several years ago. Do they even do routine preventative things like that in England, or does National Health not want to pay for it? They SHOULD want to, or they would end up paying a lot more to treat cancer patients instead. Anyway, I wish you'd gone for a colonoscopy. Then they could have found any polyps you had and removed them, and it would just be a little paragraph in one of your letters to me... "Dear Julia, I had a little procedure done on Wednesday. They removed some polyps from my colon so that I won't get cancer." Then I wouldn't be missing you now.

I love you, Gran. Don't think I'm forgetting about you. I never will. Did you know Scott and I got engaged ten days ago? I really love him, Gran. I know he will treat me right and be a good husband. Roger and Lois liked him too. I think Jeg will like him too. I think everyone will like him, because he is kind to me and takes good care of me. I wish you could have met him. He wanted to tell you he'd take care of me. That's what I told HIS Gran, when she was dying. I thanked her for taking care of him, and told her not to worry, because I'd take care of him now. She was delirious at the time, but I like to think she heard me and understood. Anyway, now he and I both need to take care of each other, with no Grans left. I think we will manage it.

I hope you are happy, Gran, wherever you are. I hope you're somewhere. I hope you remember me and love me still.

Love,
Granddaughter No. 1
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dear Gran,

I was out and about with Scott yesterday, and we passed a mass of yellow day lilies at the side of the road. I told him you would have liked to see them, as yellow is one of your favorite colors. I remember not liking yellow as a child, but I'm liking it a lot more nowadays.

I was also remembering our game of Charades back in 1995, and whatever that other game was where the place was Canada, and the clue you gave us was "It's very far away." And we kept teasing you during charades by guessing "very far away?" when you were trying to act things out! It was very funny. You are a very funny Gran, even when you don't mean to be! For example, when Jo and I were doing card-making with you, and I made that card with the two giraffes with their necks crossed, and you said they were "tripping the light fantastic on the lawn" and I said, "I hope they'd go back to their barn for that!"... that was hilarious! I love the way you sometimes use completely outdated expressions.

I also love the way you sometimes do things that are totally out of character. Like when we were playing the game of one person drawing half of an object and the other person trying to guess what it is, and you drew half a boob! I couldn't believe it! Or when Roger said about Jeg's girlfriend having two large dogs that he wasn't fond of, and you said, "Maybe they'll die." That's the last thing I would have expected you to say, knowing how much you love dogs!! You are such a funny Gran. I still remember one time Jeg and I came to visit from Zimbabwe, and we met you in the airport where you were sitting waiting on a blanket or something, and I hugged you so hard you almost tipped over, and then you told me to be careful or I'd have you rolling around on the floor, "very undignified for a Gran" - hee hee!!! I thought that was the most hilarious thing ever, and I still chuckle about it to this day.

You may not be around any more, but I'm still really really grateful that I had you for so many years, even though we were far apart for almost the whole time... it didn't feel like it so much, as you were so good about writing to me, helping me remember who you were between visits. I'm sorry I wasn't so good about writing back. I really wish now that I'd done better, but I know people always wish things like that after someone is gone. I feel quite sure you knew I loved you, though.

The trickiest part of this is trying to accept that you're NEVER coming back... not just that you're gone for a few months or a year or a decade or two... but that you're gone for the whole rest of my life. I think it would be a lot easier to handle if I could know that in... oh, I don't know... even as much as ten years from now, I would get to spend five minutes with you, see your face again, talk to you, hug you and tell you what a wonderful Gran you are... maybe even bowl you over so that you could roll on the ground in a very undignified way for a Gran. Then it wouldn't be so bad.

I love you.

Granddaughter No.1

P.S. Today is Roger's birthday. Don't worry; I didn't forget to send him a card. Bet he's missing yours, though.

Dear Gran,

Today I was reading through the letters I've sent you over the years, from my illegible two-year-old scribbles all the way to my recent writings. Many of them made me laugh. A few of them made me cry. And all of them remind me that writing to you has been a constant throughout my life. No matter where I was living - Antigua, Zimbabwe, South Africa, the U.S. - or with whom, or under what circumstances... I wrote to you, and you kept writing to me, even when it took me forever to reply. I could always count on the fact that, whatever happened to me, you were always there for me to write to, and I could expect a letter from you in the mailbox every couple of weeks. Are you still there... somewhere? Do you still wait to hear from me? I hope so, because I don't ever want to stop writing to you, Gran. I always want to be your Granddaughter No.1 and send you letters with my love and kisses at the end.

I LOVE YOU, GRAN
xxxxxxxXXXXXXXxxxxxxx