Dear Gran,

I was out and about with Scott yesterday, and we passed a mass of yellow day lilies at the side of the road. I told him you would have liked to see them, as yellow is one of your favorite colors. I remember not liking yellow as a child, but I'm liking it a lot more nowadays.

I was also remembering our game of Charades back in 1995, and whatever that other game was where the place was Canada, and the clue you gave us was "It's very far away." And we kept teasing you during charades by guessing "very far away?" when you were trying to act things out! It was very funny. You are a very funny Gran, even when you don't mean to be! For example, when Jo and I were doing card-making with you, and I made that card with the two giraffes with their necks crossed, and you said they were "tripping the light fantastic on the lawn" and I said, "I hope they'd go back to their barn for that!"... that was hilarious! I love the way you sometimes use completely outdated expressions.

I also love the way you sometimes do things that are totally out of character. Like when we were playing the game of one person drawing half of an object and the other person trying to guess what it is, and you drew half a boob! I couldn't believe it! Or when Roger said about Jeg's girlfriend having two large dogs that he wasn't fond of, and you said, "Maybe they'll die." That's the last thing I would have expected you to say, knowing how much you love dogs!! You are such a funny Gran. I still remember one time Jeg and I came to visit from Zimbabwe, and we met you in the airport where you were sitting waiting on a blanket or something, and I hugged you so hard you almost tipped over, and then you told me to be careful or I'd have you rolling around on the floor, "very undignified for a Gran" - hee hee!!! I thought that was the most hilarious thing ever, and I still chuckle about it to this day.

You may not be around any more, but I'm still really really grateful that I had you for so many years, even though we were far apart for almost the whole time... it didn't feel like it so much, as you were so good about writing to me, helping me remember who you were between visits. I'm sorry I wasn't so good about writing back. I really wish now that I'd done better, but I know people always wish things like that after someone is gone. I feel quite sure you knew I loved you, though.

The trickiest part of this is trying to accept that you're NEVER coming back... not just that you're gone for a few months or a year or a decade or two... but that you're gone for the whole rest of my life. I think it would be a lot easier to handle if I could know that in... oh, I don't know... even as much as ten years from now, I would get to spend five minutes with you, see your face again, talk to you, hug you and tell you what a wonderful Gran you are... maybe even bowl you over so that you could roll on the ground in a very undignified way for a Gran. Then it wouldn't be so bad.

I love you.

Granddaughter No.1

P.S. Today is Roger's birthday. Don't worry; I didn't forget to send him a card. Bet he's missing yours, though.